对不起 (dui bu qi) ：Cannot Face You

对 (dui)

1. to face, to confront, to direct at

2. to match with

3. a pair

3. correct

不 (bu)

1. negative

起 (qi)

1. to rise

2. together

3. to activate, to accomplish

对不起 is the word we use most frequently to apologize, and like many words used with frequency, its function trumps the metaphor. But isn't it fitting that to say 'sorry' in Chinese is to say: 'I cannot face you', or even more literally, 'I cannot get up in front of you' (so like, ‘I am prostrate before you')?

In English, the word 'sorry' refers to the pain felt by the person apologizing, but 对不起 focuses on the subject to whom the apology is directed, the one who is presumed disappointed and let down. The emotions for all parties involved as implied as befitting the situation of not being able to face someone after wronging them.

If you think about it, it's a rather heavy way to apologize, when the offense could've been as trivial as getting someone's attention, as in, 'sorry, do you know where the bathroom is?'

That is hardly injuring someone and not being able to face their disappointment. Could it be that this is the language used in a society where it strives to be so orderly, that if everyone behaves themselves properly, no one would ever have to apologize for anything?

That anything worth being sorry for is a disruption of a perfect system?

Structuralism applied in the extreme detaches from the imperfections of the human experience, in Confucian China it meant holding people to impossible standards of correct behavior...it's a legacy of shame that continues to torment Chinese people who strive towards being popularly accepted versions of an exemplary person, rather than embrace who they are as individuals.